Nails

Writing about the financial problems of athletes or former athletes always strikes me as a bit vindictive and gratuitous, especially when the subject, say, Lenny Dykstra, seems to suffer from delusions. Nonetheless, this ESPN article about the ex-Phillies and Mets center fielder has so many hilariously bizarre anecdotes that I am willing to ignore the unseemliness of it all, at least long enough to finish the article. For instance:

"He thought he could keep my $500,000 and nobody would have the resources to go after him," Dada says. "But in this case, I am going after him. General surgeons are not intimidated by professional athletes.

"Like I told him, if I can cut somebody from the neck all the way down to the pubis with a scalpel, then I cannot be intimidated."

And:

When race car driver Danica Patrick appears on a TV commercial, he pipes up, "I made her, man. Put her on the cover [of The Players Club] and made her."

And:

In a second-floor hallway leading to what used to be Gretzky and wife Janet Jones Gretzky's bedroom, Dykstra spots a bat -- the flying variety -- balled up in a corner where the high ceiling meets the wall. He ducks beneath it with his hands clasped on his head, playfully screeching.

And:

Inside the office elevator, Dykstra lifts his right leg like a dog relieving itself -- he retains a degree of the old flexibility -- and farts.

My oh my. Jim Cramer appears repeatedly as well.