And They're Off!

The campaigns for the Mexican presidency officially kicked off today, at 12:01 am. With just three months of campaigning allotted, the candidates hit the ground running. Peña Nieto promised to make 500 promises over the course of the campaign (499 of those involving talk show appearances), Vázquez Mota arrived to her speech popping wheelies on a Harley and demanded full medical exams conducted on each of the candidates before a national television audience, and López Obrador read a poem from Neruda and then made kissing sounds into microphone for 15 minutes. [Note: may not be factually accurate.] No one knows what Quadri did, because no one knows who he is or if he even exists; there is growing evidence that he is not a man but a hologram created by a secret lab funded by all the SNTE member dues.