At 9 p.m. last night, Felipe Calderón spoke to Mexico about his five-point economic stimulus plan. Such addresses in the US are always solemn Oval Office affairs, with the president always projecting the utmost solemnity. Not so in Mexico. A few subtle differences give the whole thing a much different feel (but I can't find video, sorry). Calderón wasn't sitting at a desk, but was standing in front of a Mexican flag, as is standard here. He didn't employ the even, measured diction of a American president during a crisis address; instead, he pounced all over certain syllables ("...canalizar fondos di-RECT-amente al apoyo..."), usually while making an emphatic hand gesture, which made him seem a bit like a carnival barker. Another oddifying (which should be a word) factor was that he talked a lot about small and medium businesses (one of the five points is a small business credit program), which in Mexican shorthand are referred to as "Pymes"). If you can imagine how "Pymes" would be pronounced in Spanish, it sounds strikingly like "penis" does in English.
Unfortunately, what Calderón didn't even attempt to fix the jumping peso's effect on the sports books. I want to bet on Sunday's games, and the wagers are denominated in dollars. So to make a ten-dollar bet today, I am looking at about 140 pesos, taking the juice into account. But when I win (and I will), do I get paid out using today's (Friday's) exchange rate? I suspect not, which would probably work in my favor if I waited a week or so to cash in the ticket, or it could bite me in the rear. In any event, it kind of turns me into a currency speculator, when all I want to do is win some honest bets. Gosh darn it. Fix that for me, Felipe.
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An explanation of the US rescue plan:
Once upon a time in a place overrun with monkeys, a man appeared and
announced to the villagers that he would buy monkeys for $10 each. The villagers, seeing that there were many monkeys around, went out to the forest, and started catching them.
The man bought thousands at $10 and as supply started to diminish, they became harder to catch, so the villagers stopped their effort.
The man then announced that he would now pay $20 for each one. This
renewed the efforts of the villagers and they started catching monkeys again. But soon the supply diminished even further and they were ever harder to catch, so people started going back to their farms and forgot about monkey catching.
The man increased his price to $25 each and the supply of monkeys became so sparse that it was an effort to even see a monkey, much less catch one.
The man now announced that he would buy monkeys for $50! However, since he had to go to the city on some business, his assistant would now buy on his behalf.
While the man was away the assistant told the villagers. 'Look at all these monkeys in the big cage that the man has bought. I will sell them all to you at $35 each and when the man returns, you can sell them to him for $50 each.'
The villagers rounded up all their savings, borrowed all they could, used their homes for collateral and bought all the monkeys.
They never saw the man nor his assistant again and once again there were monkeys everywhere.
Now you understand how the government bailout works.
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